Human Touch
by AnonymousWritingSoul
Summary: Set in D3. Adam's thoughts and struggles during his time on varsity and the temporary loss of his best friend. Trigger warning for graphic self harm imagery, please don't read if thats a touchy subject.


**So this is my first story I've ever published and I really hope I'm doing it right. I wrote this more for me than anyone else cause I'm going through similar issues. But I hope someone can get a little enjoyment out of it. I've always loved the friendship of Charlie and Adam and thought they needed more story. And over the last few weeks I fell in love with this song, I highly recommend you listen to it. But anyway, I don't own the mighty ducks or Bruce Springsteen. Enjoy.**

 _Update: Due to copyright reasons, I have to take out the song to this story. Which also makes me feel like it's not that good anymore cause the song was what made it in the first place. I'm not sure if I'll leave it up but I'll see how I feel. Hopefully it doesn't totally suck._

Adam Banks sank onto the floor of the varsity locker room, silent tears that had been threatening to fall for the last few weeks finally rolled down his cheeks. He dared to only allow it if he was alone. Varsity was never supposed to be easy, but it was that much harder because he was alone. He was alone on this team, in this school, and in his life. Nobody on varsity wanted anything to do with him, if anything they kept him around just to annoy the Ducks. But Adam knew better.

Adam frustratingly wiped away his tears before rolling up his left arm sleeve and gazing at an array of red criss crosses that went up and down and every which way on his pale forearm. He sighed, he didn't want to have to resort to that again but he had nothing else. The only people he'd even consider talking to about it were Coach Bombay and Charlie. But Coach was gone and Charlie hated him. Charlie beyond hated him. More tears fell as he thought back to the JV vs. Varsity nightmare.

 **Flashback**

 **"They didn't tell me until it was too late. Charlie, believe me." Adam pleaded but to no avail. He honestly had no idea about the dinner stunt varsity was pulling and he hated that he had his name written all over it.**

 **"Yeah right, preppy." Charlie sneered.**

 **Adam skated off, he knew Charlie was too mad to listen. He couldn't really blame him either, but the least he could do was hear him out. They were best friends. Or at least they were before this whole thing started. And as much as it broke Adam's heart, it made him just as angry.**

 **The game started and varsity was throwing everything they had at the Ducks. They were obviously cheating and Adam wanted nothing more than to rip off his warriors jersey and really sock it to Riley. But the Ducks were knocking into him like they were out for blood, so he'd have to** **do the same.**

 **At one point Charlie got a hold of the puck and was skating to the Warriors goal. Adam was on top of him like a hawk, with no chance of easing up.**

 **"Damnit Banks!" Charlie cursed before giving up on his shot and throwing an arm around his neck, taking him down.**

 **"Get off me Charlie, get off." Adam grunted, before making it back on his feet, only to be met with an unfriendly shove in the chest.**

 **"How do you like it, Banks?" Charlie thundered, rage in his eyes.**

" **Yeah, nice take down. You'd be in the box!" Adam fought back.**

 **"Go cry to your rich parents!"**

 **"All right fine!" Adam roared before throwing himself onto Charlie, not holding anything back. Charlie would normally be the last person to ever say something on those lines to Adam, but clearly the old Charlie was gone.**

 **After the entire team picked a fight, it wasn't long before Coach Orion came and broke it up. He ordered varsity to leave and Adam knew the Ducks would be in for one hell of a lecture. For once he was silently thankful he wasn't on JV at the moment. Varsity went to their respected locker room and changed but Adam stayed behind, wanting to be alone.**

 **He missed the** **Ducks** , **he** **missed** **Bombay** , **he** **missed** **Charlie.** **And his missed** **something** **else.**

 **Adam checked to make sure he was alone before unzipping the secret pouch in his hockey bag that contained a small silver box. He opened it was and hypnotized by the familiar sight of two shining razors under the fluorescent light. Nobody, not even Charlie knew he cut. He had not done the dirty deed in a little more than a year, but he had no other way to channel this hurt. He rolled up his sleeve and picked up a blade.**

Adam sobbed as quietly as he could as he violently cut up his arm. Blood seeped through slim slits all up his arm and slowly trickled down and splashed onto the floor. He made a mental note to clean that up before he left. He slashed and slashed until his arm seemed to be nothing but blood and he dropped the blade in awe. He hadn't done it that bad in a long, long time. He let his left arm drop to his side as he started to cry harder, this time letting his sobs echo throughout the empty locker room. This time, he didn't care who heard him.

Adam only dared to wear long sleeves or hoodies. Luckily nobody thought anything of it, they did play hockey after all. But he had to be extra careful around other people. Which was, luckily for him, like riding a bike. No rolling up your sleeves, showering last, never complain about being hot. All the old habits came back like they never went away. And quite frankly it scared him that it could be so easy.

Even if nobody took notice in his change of clothes, you'd think they'd notice he wasn't himself, right? Wrong. Maybe if he were with the Ducks. But nobody on varsity would notice if he got a face tattoo. Adam was barely speaking, eating, or sleeping. He was the loneliest he had ever been in his life. Everyday, it hurt knowing his old friends wanted nothing to do with him. All he wanted was the Ducks back. But that wouldn't be happening. All he had was the blade.

Adam's cutting slowly progressed from not just his arms, but to his thighs as well after another couple of days. It wasn't just a behavior now, it felt like addition. Adam realized it was the only time he felt calm. And when he heard the horrible news about Hans, he was in the bathroom for over an hour calming himself. He couldn't even imagine what Charlie felt. Sure Hans was important to all the Ducks, but to Charlie and Bombay, he was a father figure.

Hans's funeral was quiet. Everyone trying to keep their tears in, but when Bombay showed up with the jersey and laid it on his coffin, there wasn't a dry eye in the cemetery. Charlie stormed off in tears at one point. Every part of Adam wanted to go off after him, but he knew he'd be the last person Charlie wanted to see.

The day after Han's funeral wasn't any easier. Adam was sitting alone in his dorm. Still missing everyone. He was about to head to the bathroom when he heard a knock on the door. He hesitated before answering, thinking it was someone on varsity but then cracked a smile when he heard the unforgettable voice of their very own Russ Tyler.

"Hey, Cake eater, you in there?"

Adam opened the door to find Russ dressed in pads with his skates and his stick on his shoulder.

"Come on, we're all playing some schoolyard puck."

"And you want me to come?" Adam questioned.

"Of course we do! Come on, Ducks fly together. For Hans." Russ added sadly as Adam smiled and nodded, collecting his stuff and following Russ out of the dorms.

They arrived at a local court where they were greeted by all the Ducks. All expect Charlie. Adam couldn't help but feel bad he wasn't there, but he was still determined to have a good time. He was grateful the Ducks actually wanted him there. As they scrimmaged, Adam was getting warm in his long sleeves but he obviously couldn't take them off. Only downside of being back with the Ducks, they took notice in this.

"Adam aren't you hot? Take off your jacket." Julie asked, after Adam stopped to pant.

"I'm fine really." He said before skating off. Hopefully they'll drop it.

"Hey, it's Coach Bombay!" Dwayne beamed, dragging Adam out of his thoughts. He looked up and sure enough, he saw Charlie and Bombay standing just outside the fence.

"Damn, Conway, what took you so long?" Russ chimed in.

"Come on, get in the game!" Followed Averman.

Charlie and Coach looked at each other before running in to join them.

Soon they were all playing old fashioned schoolyard puck as if nothing happened. Nothing with varsity, no major fallout. In that moment, Hans's passing almost seemed a little easier. Because in that moment, they were flying.

Charlie and Adam skated by each other and soon grouped together in a makeup hug.

"We good, Spazway?" Adam asked, slight worry on the tip of his tongue.

Charlie grinned.

"Always, Cake eater."

After Charlie rejoined the Ducks, and the entire team almost losing their scholarships in the process, Adam finally cut the final ties with varsity and was officially back on JV. And he could honestly say he couldn't be happier. Sure, they'd be out for his head during the upcoming game, but he was a Duck again and that's all that mattered.

"Hey, JV - Varsity game's on friday. Then we'll show the whole school what a joke you really are. Then maybe you'll leave on your own. It'd be the only honorable thing to do." Riley threatened.

"You know were gonna hurt you." Added Cole. Charlie scoffed.

"Listen, you guys had an unfair advantage last time. You had one of us: Banksy."

Adam smiled. He was back.

The game between varsity and JV had a lot riding on it. If varsity won, JV would leave Eden Hall. But if JV wins, the Eden Hall Warriors name will be changed to the Mighty Ducks. Right off the bat Riley tried to convince him he should have stayed with them but he was never a warrior. He was a Duck. As if the last game between them wasn't hard enough, varsity wanted their scalps. Averman and Guy both took some pretty bad falls in the process.

Just before the third period, Dean Portman burst into the locker room, reuniting with his bash brother. It was just what they needed to get fired up. They still remained scoreless up until the last minute when they got two penalties and were forced to play with three players instead of five. The three being Charlie, Adam, and Goldberg.

The last minute of the game, Charlie had the puck. Skating fiercely to the Warriors goal, he triple dekes before passing it back to Goldberg, who was the most shocked out of anyone in the rink. With three seconds left, Goldberg takes his shot and ends the game at 1-0. The Ducks roared, or rather quacked, with pride as they celebrated. Eden Hall Warriors were officially the Eden Hall Mighty Ducks. They were here to stay.

Adam sat out under the stars and sighed with content. Often times he found himself leaving the dorms after dark to stargaze, regardless of their curfew. It gave him time to think. He was happy about the JV - varsity game. Hell, who wouldn't be? But he still had that empty feeling of being alone. A massive hole in his heart. The hole that gave him the urge to cut.

He knew that a lot of it had to do with Charlie. It almost had everything to do with Charlie. Sure he said they were cool, but Adam didn't feel like it was a sincere make up. He wanted whatever bad blood he had with Charlie to be resolved because he couldn't keep going like this. Not with these urges. He unbuttoned the sleeve of his flannel and unraveled it to gaze at his cuts again. Seeing them for some reason was, comforting? Adam wasn't sure, but it gave him a feeling he liked. Maybe it was control.

"Adam?"

Adam scrambled and tugged his sleeve down faster than he ever had before. He snapped his head behind him to find Charlie standing there a few feet behind him. Adam gulped, praying he hadn't seen anything.

Charlie walked up to the bench Adam was occupying.

"Mind if I sit?"

"Go ahead."

Charlie sat down, tilted his head back and gazed up at the sky. A smile spread across his lips the longer he looked. Adam was still shaken up, hoping he had not been exposed just now.

"I can see why you like it out here. The stars are great." Charlie commented. Adam hummed in response.

Charlie sat up straight and sighed before turning to Adam.

"So, I need to talk to you. About a lot of things." He began. Adam nodded edging him to continue.

"Well, I'm sorry. Damn it, Adam, I'm so sorry. I treated you like crap when you were on varsity. You didn't deserve any of that. I know you had no part in the thing with dinner, I should have believed you when you told me. I know I've been acting like a jerk these last few weeks. I don't have a good excuse for that either. I just felt alone and abandoned. And when you got moved to varsity and Coach Orion taking away my C, that was just the last straw. And all I could focus on was my anger. I know you're probably still mad, but I just wanted you to know I'm so sorry I treated you that way. I feel just awful about it." Charlie finished. Adam had a slight smile on his face.

"Wow, um, I mean thanks Charlie. I really appreciate it. But you know it's just- nevermind, forget it." Adam finished quickly looking up at the stars.

"No Adam tell me, I want to know." Charlie pleaded and Adam sighed.

"It's just that, I'm not denying that you felt alone. But do you realize that that's all I've felt since we got here? On the first day I got switched to a team that hated me and I couldn't go back to my old friends cause they wrote me off as a traitor. Charlie, I've been in hell these last few weeks." Adam rambled, taking in a sharp breath.

Charlie looked at him open mouthed, loss of words.

"Adam, I'm sorry. I had no idea-"

"Well you should have guessed. Just know that you were in pain, but so was I." Adam snapped, burying his face in his hands. He felt the wooden bench creak as Charlie shifted closer to him, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Adam looked up at him, red eyed.

"Adam, I know I can't take back what I did. But all I want to do is try to repair the damage between us because I can't just watch our friendship dissolve. I never had a best friend before you and I don't want to live without one."

Adam's face softened up and he held onto Charlie's hand that still rested on his shoulder.

"That's all I want, Charlie. I'm just- I'm in a really hard spot right now. And I don't know how to get out."

"Well, that sounds to me like something a best friend is for. You know you can tell me anything, Adam."

Could he though? Adam knew Charlie meant well but he wasn't sure if he could handle this much. Nobody deserves to know that their best friend is a cutter. But at the same time, Adam couldn't keep this burden in him any longer. It was eating at him everyday. The urge, the pain, the false sense of control. He honestly wanted to scream to the heavens about what he does but how does one react to this sort of thing. Maybe it was time to make it a little less secret.

"Adam, what's wrong with your wrist?" Charlie asked out of the blue.

Adam turned to him.

"Huh?"

"Your wrist. You were looking at it earlier before I sat down. Did you hurt it during the game?"

So he had seen him, but not the actual injury. Maybe he could still lie?

"Charlie-" He began, before he burst into tears. Charlie took the slightly shorter boy in his arms.

"Hey, hey, Adam what is it?" He asked while trying to calm him down.

"Charlie, you're going to think I'm a freak!" Adam sobbed hiding his face in his hands once again.

"No Adam, I could never. Never never never. Just tell me. It can't be that bad."

Adam wiped his tears away and looked at Charlie dead in the eye before unbuttoning his flannel once more and shamefully showing Charlie his arm. Charlie's eyes grew twice their size as he gently took his best friends arm in his hands and examined the damage. This time, it was Charlie's turn to cry.

"Adam, you did this, didn't you? Why? Adam why?" Charlie pleaded, trying to keep himself together for Adam's sake.

"I've been doing it on and off for years. It started when I was twelve. Mainly because of pressure from my dad. But after I got closer with you and the Ducks, it didn't become that much of an urge. I relapsed after the scrimmage between Varsity and the Ducks. I felt like I had nothing else, I just didn't want to feel the pain in my heart so I-"

Before Adam could finish, he felt Charlie throw his arms around his neck. He was taken back at first but quickly returned the gesture, both boys cried into each other shoulders.

"Adam, never do that again okay? You come to me if you want to do that. But never hurt yourself like that again, okay? I'm always here. I promise."

Adam hugged him tighter, never wanting to let go.

 **3 months later**

Adam zipped up his duffel bag before heading out of his dorm room, which he now shared with Charlie. Everyone was going home for Christmas break and Adam was heading to Charlie's place to spend some time with Charlie, Casey and Coach Bombay. He was absolutely ecstatic. Normally Christmas time was an anxiety inducing period for him, even before he got to Eden Hall. If people thought he was a cake eater, they outta meet his family. Being around them was never easy considering his dad would be gloating about his hockey career to them and adding backdoor pressure to Adam to live up to the image his dad was making. So getting invited to spend a few days with Charlie's family was actually a Christmas miracle.

Adam made his way downstairs where Charlie was waiting by the door for Coach to come around. He was nice enough to give them a ride. Adam smiled and joined his friend in the wait. Charlie returned his gesture.

"Hey, you all set?" Charlie asked.

"Think so. And you're sure it's okay if I come?" Adam questioned.

"Ugh yes! Adam for the last time, my mom is so glad you're coming. So is Bombay. He wants to see how you're doing."

Adam slightly blushed before looking down at his tattered converses. After Adam told Charlie about his self harm, the very first thing Charlie suggested was telling Bombay. At first Adam begged him not to, he was still getting over the fact he told Charlie. But Charlie insisted that they tell an adult they both trusted. And for both of them that was Bombay. After they went back to the dorms that night, they phoned Bombay, who was still in town at the time, and stayed on the line with him for over an hour filling him in. Charlie did a lot of the talking, Adam was either crying or too ashamed.

They all agreed they'd meet for breakfast the next morning at Mickey's dining car and figure out a proper plan. Adam of course was hesitant, but he let Charlie and Bombay talk him into it. So they met and 9 AM sharp the following day and discussed the matter over waffles and coffee. Charlie made Adam get something heavy in carbs, he was looking a bit thin.

Bombay wanted Adam to talk to his parents about the matter, but Adam thought that ought to be the one thing he does not do. His father was the initial reason for it in the first place. But Bombay knew Adam needed to be on some sort of antidepressant and maybe start seeing a therapist, which could only happen with the help of his parents since he was under eighteen. After another lengthy conversation at the diner, which lasted more than two hours, the three of them were on their way to Adam's home in Edina to tell his father. The whole way there Adam couldn't stop shaking and Charlie wouldn't let go of his hand. As they arrived Adam started to breakdown, begging them not to make him do this. Bombay put a hand on his shoulder.

"Adam, look at me. I wouldn't have you do this if I didn't care about you. You remember what I told you back during the Goodwill games? Your dad is proud of you for just being your best. And this won't change that opinion of his. Charlie and I will be right here beside you. Okay?"

Adam reluctantly nodded and lead them to his front door.

His father was the one to answer the door and invite them in. He was more than confused as to why he was here with his old coach, but once he saw the look on Adam's face, he knew he better hold off on his questions till the end. Adam took a few breaths before beginning his story. His whole history of depression being let out of him like a waterfall to the man he feared most about telling. Adam finished with coming clean about the self harm and Philip Banks embraced his son for the first time in years, silent tears ran down the man's face and he mouthed a thank you to Charlie and Bombay. They smiled at each other, knowing Adam was on his way.

Over the next few weeks, Adam turned so much around. He did get prescribed an antidepressant and started seeing a weekly therapist, which he was reluctant to at first but soon fell into the habit. And Bombay made him promise to call him once a week for a check in. Charlie took away all his razors and soon moved into his dorm so they'd be closer. Which neither one minded. They both could have used that regardless.

It was really challenging at first. It stressed Adam out to no end that he wasn't able to cut. He didn't know how to calm himself down. If it weren't for Charlie, he honestly didn't know how he would have gotten through it. Charlie was there in the middle of the night, or during class, or any other time Adam had a panic attack that used to be only satisfied by cutting. But by the beginning of November, Adam's urges had drastically gone down. He started drawing instead, and had multiple sketchbooks. He was never seen without one. He was far from recovered but he was on the right road. And that's where it always starts.

Adam smiled at the memories. In the moment they were happening, they hurt beyond belief. But now he can look back and accept he had to have the hurt to get to where he was now. And he was content with that. Him and his dad even became a bit closer, but there was still a lot of healing to do. Which was one of the main reasons Casey wanted Adam over for a few days during break, which Philip Banks was more than happy to oblige to, considering Charlie has been his biggest support system throughout this whole ride.

"Hey there's Coach!" Charlie chirped, picking up his bag and dashing outside, Adam following suit.

"Hey! How are you guys?" Gordon greeted with open arms which Charlie charged into, receiving a bear hug.

"Pretty good, can't wait to get home!" Charlie informed, grabbing Adam's bag to put in Gordon's trunk.

"Adam, its great to see you. You doing okay?" Gordon asked, giving him the same hug he did Charlie.

"Yeah, I'm honestly doing a whole lot better. I'm really excited to spend some time with you guys. Thanks so much for letting me tag along." Adam grinned and Gordon gave him a light pat on the shoulder.

"It's our pleasure. I know Casey is beyond excited to have you. We're all just so proud of you, Adam." Gordon assured as Adam gave a shy smile before climbing in the backseat next to Charlie. Gordon took his place in the driver's seat and looked in the rearview mirror at the two boys in the back.

"What'd you say, you ready to go?"

"Yeah!" They both said in unison. Gordon chuckled and turned on the engine.

"Alright, we're outta here!" He exclaimed before peeling out.

Both boys laughed before Adam shyly took Charlie's hand. Charlie turned and looked at him slightly confused, before returning Adam's smile and squeezing his hand for comfort.

"Thank you, Charlie. Thank you so much."

"I'm always here, Adam. Always."

 **Let me know if you still think the story is still okay, otherwise I migt just take it down.**


End file.
